age is really just a number

I always prided myself and being able to multitask. Ha! What a lie I was telling myself. I had a lightspeed juggling act that I kept going for years. Until it didn’t. When my teenagers were at the height of their hormonal behavior, and I was hitting my mid 40s, I was feeling increasingly tired almost lethargic. I would sleep for 10-12 hours on the weekend and still feel exhausted. I felt like I could never catch up. My head was cloudy, my hair was thinning, I had no sex drive, and I was waking up several times a night and couldn’t fall asleep without a glass or two of wine. On top of that, I didn’t feel like doing anything. Including running! Yes, something is really wrong when I don’t want to run. I also noticed a subtle change in my body, I was gaining weight. An extra ten pounds crept onto my frame when I wasn’t looking. All of this was spiraling, and I was still trying to keep the Superwoman persona up. I really just didn’t realize what was happening. When you’re going a hundred miles an hour for years, it’s your normal.

One afternoon I realized I had a racing heartbeat and was a little short of breath. It passed quickly, but it happened again a few days later. I felt like my heart was racing, then skipping a few beats. I felt nauseous. Time to call the doctor.

I visited my friend who has been my OB/Gyn for the last 20 years or so and basically said, “I’m either crazy, going through early menopause or there is something really wrong with me.” I described my symptoms and the episodes. My first thought was thyroid. She had another thought, adrenal fatigue. Yes, Superwoman syndrome.

A gallon of blood tests, an EKG and some hormone levels later; we determined I’m not in menopause, my thyroid is fine, but I was suffering from adrenal fatigue. This is not true adrenal insufficiency. This is adrenal fatigue meaning your stress hormone levels were so chronically high, your adrenals are tired and told you to F- off! This is the definition of stress kills!

Drastic changes had to happen. The first one was to realize I could not do it all. It was OK to ask for help. I sat down with my partners and let them know what was going on. I reduced my schedule to one that was much less ridiculous. I changed my diet. I asked for help from my husband and kids. I hired a home assistant to do the laundry, dishes, help with cooking and grocery shop. I added a multivitamin with lots of B vitamins in the morning and progesterone at night. I started doing more yoga. I stopped doing HIIT classes. I started taking naps. I stopped drinking. I hydrated more. I started meditating and felt myself starting to recover. I even got to the point where I wanted to run again, and even found my husband attractive again. Whew! My sleep patterns normalized, and the weight came off. My irritability decreased and I started feeling like a human again!

If this story sounds even a little familiar and you identified with the beginning snapshot of a day in the life of Superwoman, stop! It’s OK to say I’m not OK and ask for help. Superwoman syndrome is pathologic, but we have been programmed that it is OK. How many times have we been told that you can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and clean up afterwards? No! We need to reverse this trend! Stress can kill you and Superwoman syndrome makes everyone in the house miserable while you are trying to do it all!

So how do we break this cycle?

1. Talk to your doctor. Make sure nothing else is going on with your body. Read Troubleshooting Fatigue: Part One. Part Two is about depression. Part Three is about iron-deficiency anemia. These may be helpful in ruling out other causes or setting you on the path to recovery!
2. Slow down your life. Learn to say “No!” Learn to ask for help, especially from your spouse and children. You didn’t get married to wait on everyone. A partnership should be a partnership. Remember that you have trained your children to be helpless. You can retrain them to be helpful.
3. Let the “S” fall off your chest. Get help! Delegate at work and decrease your schedule. There is probably a lot of things on your desk that someone else can do at least 75% as good a job as you and that’s OK! There are also things on your desk that can land in the circular file! Stop trying to do it all!
4. Decrease or stop drinking. Read my post on over-drinking and start the conversation in your head. It’s amazing how many women use alcohol to medicate their anxiety and depression.
5. Change your diet. You cannot at the age of 50 eat the same way you did as a teen. I did a three-day vegan cleanse followed by a modified paleo/Mediterranean diet. This was high in fiber, low in carbs and no processed foods. Half of your plate should be green or multi-colored with a mixture of raw and cooked vegetables. Meat should be lean and rare.
6. Hydrate. Drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water or at least half your body weight in ounces a day. Here are some tips on hydration.
7. Low impact exercise. Stretching, yoga, walking, slow running, swimming, and cycling with no time goals or crazy swings in heartrate until you start feeling less fatigued.
8. Meditate. Pray. Journal. Find a quiet time just for you to focus on you. Breathing exercises are helpful.
9. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And most of it is small stuff. If it isn’t going to matter five years from now, let it go.
10. It’s OK to tell your kids No! They don’t have to have a million activities that you have to drive them to, watch and pay for. Talk to them about how their activities affect the whole family and have them choose what they are truly passionate about. And that can’t be everything!
11. Re-engage your sex life. Get closer to your spouse. Go on dates. Cuddle, flirt, and get to know each other in biblical sense all over again. Kid-free vacations are allowed too!
12. Get more organized. The chaos is wearing. Simplify. De-clutter. Use a centralized schedule for everyone.
13. Get your finances in order. Debt causes stress. Get rid of it. Then save for a rainy day, the kid’s college and your retirement. Stop spending what you don’t have. (This may be book number two because this is a major stressor!) We all have so much stuff we don’t need! Stop buying it!
14. Unplug as much as you can. Probably funny coming from a blogger but start controlling your screen time. Set limits for TV, computer, email and social media. That time is valuable and can be used to heal your mind, body and soul.
15. Last but not least, refocus on your goals in life. What do you feel like your purpose is on this rock? Sit down and write out your goals for the next 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years and lifetime. This should include health, business, family, financial and spiritual.

Girlfriends, It is OK to let the “S” fall off your chest. I am here a few years after that fateful day and I am fit, fifty and fabulous. My life is so much healthier and more balanced. My family is happier. My marriage is amazing. 

Life is good! You can get here too! Admitting you can’t do it all is the first step! Welcome to the rest of your life!