age is really just a number

Is this a problem or just a habit?

What seems to be the biggest topic among my girlfriends is whether we all drink too much and/or how much drinking really is too much? A glass of wine in our 20’s has become a bottle of wine in our 40’s to 50’s, after husbands, kids and a demanding full-time job. It’s even worse with the aging stay-at-home Moms; soon to be empty-nesters. They’re beginning to lose their sense of purpose and the artificial sense of control over the lives of their children. 

So how much is really too much? And is that really the question to ask?

The one thing that I see in many of the women asking these questions is a tendency towards concomitant anxiety or depression. It seems like most are afraid to admit that the lives they have chosen can be overwhelming at times, and they have turned to alcohol to calm their world down. Adulting is hard! And it doesn’t get any easier as we age. Hormonal changes in that wonderful peri-menopausal time doesn’t help either.

The statistics are staggering. Did you know that women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders than men? And, it is estimated that over 40 million Americans and approximately 264 million adults worldwide suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. Less than half seek help. 

Maybe I really should’ve titled this: Are You Self-Medicating Your Anxiety or Depression with Alcohol?

I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I’m just trying to start a public discussion of what seems to be a very private fear of many of my compadres. 

Let’s look at some facts:

Alcoholism is defined as physical and emotional dependence on alcohol. Someone who is an alcoholic cannot control their constant impulses to drink even as the drunkenness causes relationship problems, job or school problems, financial problems, and health problems. Alcohol and substance abuse have affected people across genders, ages, and socioeconomic statuses. That really doesn’t sound like the women I hang out with, so let’s go a little deeper.

Anxiety disorder refers to a group of psychiatric disorders that involve extreme fear or worry. The symptoms of anxiety disorders are the following according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

• Feeling nervous, irritable or on edge
• Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
• Having an increased heart rate
• Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation), sweating, and/or trembling
• Feeling weak or tired
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Having trouble sleeping
• Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems

A small amount of anxiety is normal in stressful situations and can actually help you perform better. It’s the crippling type of anxiety that I’m talking about. The emotions that disrupt your life and don’t go away when the stress situation is over. The kind that interferes with your job, relationships and everyday activities. This can cause issues with sleep which just makes the symptoms worse. 

Turning to alcohol is the socially acceptable way to cope with your symptoms. This is especially common as we age since the decreasing hormone levels tend to disrupt your sleep cycle as well. That glass of wine helps you get to sleep, but you’re still waking up in the middle of the night (often sweating to death).

So, what’s a girl supposed to do about all this?

Ask yourself the hard questions. How much do you really drink? Do you drink habitually every day? Do you feel like you can’t deal with your everyday life without drinking? 

If you answer, I have a cocktail or a glass of wine or two; and it’s not every day – you’re probably fine. If you drink a bottle of wine every night and feel like you can’t cope without it. Girlfriend, I don’t need to be a psychiatrist or psychologist to tell you to seek professional help.

Surprisingly, the definition of heavy drinking in women is at least one drink a day or more than 7 drinks in a week! That’s pretty much my entire neighborhood! It’s the sense that you can’t stop or get through a day without a drink that makes it an issue. Better to admit you may have a problem, then to go down the slippery slope of anxiety or depression coupled with addiction. Alcohol can lead to stronger self-medication and now the life and health you have been seeking go up in flames.

If you need help in deciding if you have a problem, here is a great self-quiz that may help you decide if you need some help.

Here’s a sobering statistic:

lcoholism is the third leading lifestyle-related cause of death in the United States, coming after tobacco and unhealthy diets and/or lack of exercise. A person who succumbs to excessive alcohol use loses a potential of 30 years of potential life, and as many as 40 percent of all the hospital beds across the country are used to treat health conditions that develop from alcoholism. WOW!

So, let’s a start a real discussion. 

Truth: Many women experience anxiety and/or depression. 

Truth: Too many self-medicate with alcohol. 

Fact: There are so many ways to treat all of these issues, but the first thing is to raise your hand and ask for help. Your girlfriends are all here for you! We’ve all been on this rollercoaster we call life.  It’s not a sign of weakness to need help. It’s also not necessarily denial if you feel like yes, I drink but no, I’m in control. Society has made habitual drinking OK on one level and disease on another. Starting a discussion is half the battle.

If you think your drinking is more than social and you are having daily issues, Talk to your doctor or call the local alcoholics anonymous.