age is really just a number

On this Easter Sunday, with the world in turmoil over COVID-19, I set my mind on the cross and the death of Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins. I watched, with my family, the services at Gateway Church and listened to the wisdom of Pastor Morris describing the seven truths of Easter:

1. Total Forgiveness
2. Immediate Paradise
3. Never Forsaken
4. Constant Care
5. Full Atonement
6. Completely Finished
7. Eternal Commitment

After taking a long walk, I felt it necessary to further discuss the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness has been very instrumental in my recovery from many difficult times in my life, including a rather tumultuous divorce. 

Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of all of our sins, but often we have difficulty forgiving each other and, worse, forgiving ourselves. God’s grace absolves you of your many sins, but we need to internalize this forgiveness to move on to the life we are meant to have.

Forgive Yourself First

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not negate the past but looks upon it with compassion.

Withholding forgiveness gives power to the emotions of hurt, anger, and blame, which discolor your perception of life.

To forgive, avoid focusing on thoughts of being wronged. Instead, trust the power of forgiveness to heal the hurt and pain. God will give you the strength to forgive.

By holding on to pain and resentment, you keep punishing yourself because the misery intensifies to keep it alive.

Despite people’s perceptions that forgiveness means to forget, its motive is preserved in self-forgiveness and the role you played in allowing the circumstances.

By forgiving, it does not mean you forget what transpired. Given your involvement, even as a victim, you forgive yourself regardless of your role. Forgiveness means letting go of the anger instead of giving it the power over you.

Toxic and destructive emotions have the potential to activate certain diseases if we don’t attend to our emotional wellbeing. You truly can make yourself sick by holding onto all that anger. Forgiveness is difficult but necessary for your emotional wellbeing.

“At the end of the day, forgiveness is not for the other person’s benefit at all — it’s for our own. Regardless of how illogical it may seem at times, it is through unconditional forgiveness that we surrender the past to the past and enter the present, freeing ourselves to stand in the infinite Light that knows how to heal our deepest and most painful wounds,” states author Dennis Merritt Jones.

Anger and Resentment

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” — Paul Boese

Over ten years ago, I went through a difficult, painful divorce. I carried resentment for a long time. I gave my ex-husband power over my emotions and all my other relationships with my smoldering anger. No divorce is one-sided. There is never just one guilty party. We were both wrong and lashed out in anger, hurting each other, and the rest of our family. I was angry and felt wronged-so did he. That unhappiness controlled both of us and our relationships with not only our children but everyone we encountered. 

Yet, I experienced a profound shift when I forgave him and myself. I saw the more important lesson of my experiences, which was guiding me towards self-love. 

This shift occurred during a singles ministry service in which I realized, through the message of self-love that night, that I would never be able to move on until I forgave him and, more importantly, forgive myself for my part in the demise of our family. An immense weight lifted from my heart almost immediately.

Anger and resentment keep us stuck in the past, replaying disempowering emotions, instead of living in the present moment.

People wish for a happier life yet are reluctant to let go of toxic emotions, believing forgiving their perpetrator erases the past. This is the furthest from the truth.

“When you’re wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness,” affirms author Mario Martinez in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.

From a spiritual perspective, the enemy feeds off anger and convinces us we were wronged. It holds on to anger and resentment to keep the pain alive.

Transform Destructive Emotions

“The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.” — Confucius

Conversely, Love asserts the opposing view — forgiveness, peace, and joy.

It was the late Dr. Wayne Dyer who said you can be happy or you can be right, but you can’t be both. We must let go of destructive emotions to discover peace and happiness because the two cannot coexist.

Irrespective of the circumstances, you respond to the past with compassion, not hold on to the experiences.

So, you choose positive emotions if you wish to live a fulfilling life.

Anger and resentment are a call for self-love since what you crave is to be loved and appreciated.

In light of that, let go of what stands in your way. Forgiveness is the bridge that leads you to the life you were meant to have.

Look into your heart and forgive yourself for being co-conspirators in the experience. A co-conspirator is someone involved in the experience instead of consenting to it. By forgiving yourself, you recover the self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you.

You forgive that part of you that holds on to resentment, and in doing so, you transform any destructive emotions and rise above anger.

Each time you experience anger, choose forgiveness over hatred.

As you do, you heal yourself and raise your awareness, leading to inner freedom.

In that act of compassion, you are reunited with the wholeness of who you are. 

God has forgiven you. Time to forgive yourself.

I am living proof of the power of forgiveness. I have experienced an amazing love and a balanced blended family after forgiving my ex and genuinely forgiving myself. I am truly a blessed woman by the grace of God.