age is really just a number

Self-care. Self-love. Words we often say, but what do they mean? They have different meanings to everyone. Self-care doesn’t have to cost any money, but it does take work. Self-love is often working to debunk the negative self-talk in our heads—more on that in my short book, The Art of Self-Love. Let’s talk today about self-care. Many of us are running around like chickens with our heads cut off. We are under so much stress from being pulled in so many different directions that we are performing self-sabotage instead of self-care. Often, in the past, when I’ve said I’m crazy stressed, my friends have suggested I get a massage, or go to the spa, or even go shopping (Ps. I hate shopping). My go-to has always been to go running to clear my head, but somehow all these short distractions don’t clear the mechanism and equate to true self-care.

Self-care is all about setting boundaries, having a routine, and finding your tribe. When you are completely stressed out, our needs often fall to the bottom of the list – when they really should be at the top. If you have a friend who admits they are drowning, don’t tell them what they should do, but listen and try to be that support network for the person who is already desperately trying to do everything. Telling them what they should do is just showing them another thing at which they’re failing. No one needs to hear that! Most times, it’s more helpful to take a minute to listen, then give advice or even just your time. Practice the art of listening, so when you’re the one drowning, you have an audience.

During my most stressed times, I found that three things made a significant difference in my self-care to find balance.

Create a daily routine and stick to it. Routines help you find balance and decrease the daily stress of life. If you watch my video about having a great day every day, you’ll understand more of how my routine looks. Get up at the same time every day and get your day going. I drink my glass of water, exercise, then have a prayer time which could be meditation or a Bible study. Then start my To-Do List. The same thing goes at night. Have a night routine. Instead of zoning out with the television, choose to unplug from electronics (including your cell phone) at a specific time every night.  Prepare for the next day by setting out your running clothes, your Bible study, and your schedule. If you bring lunch to work or make kid’s lunches – make it the night before, so you’re not crazy in the morning. Prepare your mind and your body for quality sleep. Before bedtime is a great time to do a stretching program or yoga or meditation – even just a good book for 30 minutes before you go to bed. Disconnect and rest. That’s what I call self-care. Proper rest is the best care.

Lean on my community. My tribe is there for me, but I needed to ask for help. Sometimes it’s asking someone to watch your kid for a few hours or trading carpools. Sometimes it’s just asking someone to listen to you. Cultivate your tribe, and they will be there for you. Be part of a community and find your tribe. I say that women helping women is the most uplifting experience that I have had. Keeping genuine relationships in this increasingly isolated world is challenging but so necessary for your overall health. Write that email, make that phone call, take a walk with your neighbor, maintain those relationships; so that if you do need to lean on a community, they’re there. The people who care for you are happy to hear from you. Choosing to cultivate healthy relationships is part of self-care because loved ones are part of living a fulfilled life. You don’t have to shoulder the burden alone. Life is meant to be lived in a community.

Set boundaries. It’s OK to say no. I often feel guilty when I do, but in time it gets easier. When you say yes when you don’t want to, it creates resentment and overburdens your schedule.

Here are some other simple things you can start today to up your self-care game and decrease your stress. The best part, they don’t cost any money, just a little work.

Revise your kitchen flow. Our kitchens are the center of our family life and are, at best, chaos. Look at your counters and cabinets. Are there appliances and things that you don’t use that you can get out of the way? Are they organized and neat so you can easily find items? My bet is no. My husband called one cabinet the Tupperware abyss because lids and containers went in, but somehow, they never came out together. It was a jumbled mess of mismatched plastic. I looked at it and said, what things do I need and use daily? If I hardly ever used it, it went away. If I used it occasionally, it went to a high shelf in the pantry.  If I use it daily, it was front and center but organized—no more abyss. Do the same for your utensils, pots, pans, especially those tiny, cluttered kitchen appliances.

Revise your shopping list habit. Make everyone in the family accountable that if they eat the last of something, or use the last of something, to put it on a shopping list centrally located on the refrigerator. That way, you never run out of things like toilet paper or sugar.

Shop and meal prep for the week. Set aside part of a day on either Saturday or Sunday to meal plan for the week. That way, you don’t have to worry or be stressed out about what you’re going to eat every day. It’s a fantastic life hack.

My next suggestion is that you organize your workspace. Whether you’re a stay-at-home Mom or a work-from-home Mom, or just a catch-up on work in your spare time at home Mom, an organized workspace helps. If you don’t have a designated home office space, even just having a large container that has all the things you use all the time, like a calculator, pens and pencils, etc., helps. Keep it organized and in a specific place so you can pull it out and be ready to go. You are no longer searching for a pen or stapler.

Self-care means creating a life that isn’t in constant turmoil. It helps to differentiate between when you need to take better care of yourself and when you need your community’s help. Keep trying and customize your routines to fit your needs. Eventually, you’ll find a way to give your mind, body, and spirit precisely the care that they need. Finding balance and peace takes work, but it’s so worth it.

To read more about self-love, please check out my book, The Art of Self-Love. It deals more with the mental aspects of loving yourself enough to strive to live your best life. Enjoy!

If any of these tips have helped you, please reach out and let me know. If you have other ideas, please put them in the comments and share them with our community.